Leading up to my first semester at CSU, Long Beach, I was presented with a great opportunity to participate in a short-term trip to India. To be honest, I haven’t really considered this, but I felt compelled to take this chance and be a part of God’s global work. Because of my sinfulness, I was reluctant to give up my comfortable life to pursue His name. After much prayer and thought, I joined the team and we began training for the trip every weekend. We started focusing on the heart of making this trip and the importance of strategic prayer. Looking back on the trip, I believe these months leading up to December were the most crucial for me.
About half way through the summer break, I ran into a few snags with CSULB. My acceptance was contingent on the completion of chemistry, a course I had not taken in many years. Due to the last minute nature of the situation, not only was it difficult to find an open spot at any of the local universities but many of them required the passing of a placement exam before enrollment. After much trial and error, I got a hold of the dean of the Chemistry department at CSUF. She gladly pulled a few strings and was able to simultaneously enroll me in the class and the placement test. I was overwhelmed with relief, still in awe of our omnipotent God.
After successfully passing the placement exam, CSULB then approved my transfer application gave me the green light for new student orientation. Little did I know that the first day of the orientation was also the first day of my chemistry course. Long story short, more strings were pulled and again I was overwhelmed with relief but this time, I realized how much time I spent worrying about circumstances that were out of my control. I was constantly doubting God’s power and His will throughout my application process. My mindset was: “I am able to do it on my own” so I trusted in myself and my abilities. And of course under my own power, I failed. I was so adamant on making things happen. This was my plan. This was my future. I deserved a chance at this after all that I had gone through.
At the moment, of course, I did not realize that God had been with me every step of the way. Leading up to India, He had miraculously placed random people in my path that I wouldn’t be able to do without. Looking back, I now see my sinfulness that had controlled me from the start.
God then revealed to me how selfish that truly was. I felt that I was more concerned with sharing not this eternal treasure but my own “treasures” in my own accomplishments. I now need to trust in His plan and not my “treasures”. I understand that I don’t know His plan. But I want to wholeheartedly trust in Him. I pray that He may align myself to what He has in store for me.
“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” - 2 Corinthians 4:18